intense clarity

“Look at the size of that thing, I bet the images are clear and detailed as hell. This is insane, where are you going to put it?” Well I have to ask, it sure as hell isn’t going to fit on the walls we have now and I don’t know how long it was going to be until the warehouse was in good enough condition for us to even think of moving in. The workers have been mostly working on the inside, adding columns and walls and little by little they’re doing up the outside too. They destroy the covering of the wall on one side and one floor only and then rebuild it up. It’s getting colder as it is so I don’t think the outside walls will be done before the new season sets in, I know they don’t work in too cold weather. It’s a shame. I wish we could have thought about this warehouse thing earlier, or that it had crossed my mind alone.

“For now it’s going into storage with the rest of my things that are being shipped in from Los Angeles. Once our new home is built and ready, we’ll get everything moved in.” I can feel something swell deeply inside me. He’s having all he owns shipped here, right here in this little city to live with me. Permanently almost. He wouldn’t do it if it wasn’t permanent. I feel my eyes grow wet and I wipe them off at his confused and slightly concerned look.

“I’m alright, just a little surprised, that’s all. If only you knew how long I’ve honestly wanted us to have a home together, a more permanent one. That we wouldn’t go our separate ways after a decade or two together.” He gives me this quiet, ‘go on’ look and I can’t help the half-hearted shrug. What am I supposed to say, that I’ve been lonely as hell without him, that I know his going away was for the good of us as he was getting too restless and could have been dangerous? That I should have told him I more than likely could have taken the hits if they had come? There’s nothing to really say to that so all I can really do is give him that half-smile I always have on hand for times when I don’t know much of what’s going on or what I should be doing or answering.

I look back to the television he mentioned having ordered and I can’t help but shake my own. I suppose it would be an upgrade. I still have a really old television, the kind that were heavy and just about square. This one is going to be thin and flat and huge. Everything is going to be so clear on there, wow.

I laugh briefly and wipe at my eyes again. He curls his arms about mine, rests his chin on my shoulder and just hugs me from behind for a moment. “I wanted to tell you before, to tell you last time before we went our ways or the time before or even the one before that one but I couldn’t. I could see in your eyes how much you wanted to get away, how terrified you were of hurting me. I think I broke a little inside every time you leave.”

I guess it’s true in a way. Every time he leaves I feel something in me shatter some and when he comes back it’s a struggle to not cling for all I’m worth, to just ‘ease back into it’ as some would say. I just want to fling myself at him and cling to him until he peels me off or until I become one with it. It gets harder every time. He’s moving his things here, all of his things. Or at least the things in the states. I know he has little summer homes all over the world but those are different and he only ever spends a couple of weeks up to a couple of months out there.

It’s a bit hard to imagine that he’s staying with me permanently. I turn my head slightly to look up to him and while I know I could prod at his mind to find the answer, I’ve long ago decided that I wouldn’t pry unless I was invited. “What about when you need to get away? When you feel that your gift needs a rest and a release from its confines?”

He stays quiet for a few moment, chin still on my shoulder before his lips curl into a slight sort of smile. “I have houses everywhere on the planet, I can go away for a few weeks, a month or two if I really need to. We don’t really need to be apart that long anymore, it makes no sense.”

My breath catches lightly and I sniffle again. Still I refuse to cry so instead I laugh though the tears though fall and trickle on their way down my cheeks and I let them. I haven’t been this happy in so long. I think I could explode. Everything is just suddenly so much clearer. I feel as if I’d been living in a filthy world, wearing filthy glasses but they’ve just been cleaned and everything makes sense.

I turn around in his hold and press against him, curling my arms tightly about him and squeezing my eyes shut. I can do with being hugged for a while, it feels just right. I don’t want to go anywhere. We can look at anything else we might want to add to our home, our mostly permanent home when I’m done being an invading kind of soul. It might take a while.

After a little while spent just clinging to him, we draw apart and see to putting things mostly away, a thought does cross my mind as I finish cleaning up and I can’t help but ponder it aloud. “What about the whole being an attorney business, think you can do that from here?”

He shrugs again in that ‘too early to know’ way. I know he won’t give it up but I guess he’s just getting started on this one decade or two of chocolate and sweets making, so there is plenty of time to figure things out. Who knows, by the time he’s ready to switch back to the law, they might have discovered means of faster transport, or he might be able to do the court thing from afar with a camera and a computer or something. I know someone who has very good knowledge of computers and things such as holograms. Who knows how much further along with technology things will be by then. It could be interesting.

When the apartment is as clean as it will ever get (we’ve been letting it get messy lately but we’ve both been terribly busy), I head to the bedroom to flop down to the bed. I’m honestly exhausted. It’s more of an emotional sort of exhaustion but it’s one I know a nap won’t hurt. I don’t expect him to join me but he does. He takes his shoes off (I’ll never understand why he wears them inside) and settles into the bed. It only takes me a moment before I’m rolling over to nestle against him. I have all of him forever, I’m going to keep on cherishing every moment.


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