rigid beliefs

“So he set himself and his family on fire?” That didn’t really make sense, then again I suppose I shouldn’t have judged, from what I’ve been slowly adapting to, in the world, this wasn’t one of the worst things I’d heard. Still it was pretty bad for a man to set everyone in his family on fire, based on what he believed in. I hope to never turn into that kind of person. Then again, I value everything that surrounds me too much currently to even think of setting anything on fire.

Quentin shrugs besides me and shakes his head, he looks disgusted with the whole thing and I’m not feeling much differently about it all, it still just makes no sense. “I guess he believed so much and so strongly in whatever it is that went through his head that he thought this was going to make things right. All he’s done is kill several innocent people.”

Killing is absolutely unacceptable anywhere near any one of us. We’ve had too much of our share of that when we were younger and we don’t want to hear about it or imagine it happening anywhere near us. Though at times I think some people might just go overboard. We find spiders now and again down here and instead of killing them or dropping them back outside which would just end up killing them anyway, we move them back up to the garden area where they’ll eat any little bug or pest that might crop up. I do have open windows up there at times and I know the environment is not completely bug free, so the spiders help.

The butterflies are different though and those I’m happy to let roam free. I do have screens on most of my windows but I know that without a little help from bees and some other bugs, what I grow up there won’t get anywhere so I tend to let the screens be open just enough to let the little help come in and out as they will.

We don’t usually watch television unless they’re documentaries or the music channels or a few rare movies. At times I guess we get just a little curious about the world out there, beyond our four walls and this city so we watch the news a little. It never lasts long. Most of the time all there is on the news is crime here, fire there and floods that have taken over the whole countryside. If it’s not that, it’s tornadoes, murders and car crashes. I guess we just have terrible timing.

Quentin is the one to turn the whole thing off, not even to the music channel before he yawns and stretches. I watch him for a moment, head canting slightly to the side. He smiles at me and holds out his hand with a chuckle. “I thought we could go out for a walk, it’s warmer outside a little and it who knows, we might just see a few things that’ll spark your inspiration. You haven’t really been drawing lately.”

I guess I haven’t. My mind has been in a few different places and I still haven’t found that old bird cage I want to fix up for Eoghan and Alexis when they move in to their new home. That and I’ve been thinking about the twin and how well they’re learning the language, little by little. The garden has also been taking up a lot of my time though before I’ve always made time for drawing and pairing and I haven’t lately. “You’re right. Is it really any warmer outside? The wind yesterday was pretty chilly and I forgot my gloves, made me want to come back home as soon as I could.”

He looks thoughtful for a few moments though I do press my hand to his. I like touching him, it’s usually enough to get my artistic juices flowing and the thought makes me chuckle. He blinks at me, a question without asking it outright and I just grin slightly. “I was thinking about how just touching you like this was usually helping me get the juices flowing and I can’t help it, my mind went completely south.”

I still can’t get enough of watching him when he blushes and it’s still almost as easy as ever. Though I don’t go out of my way to make it happen but I guess that at times I just find the right words and I utter them without really meaning to. He’s grinning slightly though. He shakes his head and squeezes my hand lightly. “Well, I’m glad my touch gets your juices going. Maybe we should just bundle up a bit and head into the music store? We could find a few new CDs to add to our slowly growing collection. Though they have a small book section though I think they’re mostly cooking related, who knows, there might be something in there.”

I guess he does have a point. It could be interesting to see what new things they have in stock and cooking books never hurt though most of the ones we’ve bought so far we ended up giving to Eoghan since of all of us so far he’s the one who does the most complicated dishes. We usually prefer to keep to simply thrown together food. Salads and at times pasta with a light sauce or just flat out cereals. We’re not complicated souls.

Finally he gives me hand a tug and I move to my feet with another laugh. I squeeze in turn and we part ways to head to each of our room. We really are working on getting the two of them combined and we figure we might just use mine since I have more things than him. He’ll move his things in and we’ll turn his old bedroom into something else, we haven’t really decided yet.

“I still can’t believe he set himself on fire like that along with the rest of his family. I don’t want to know how he managed to look at them while he did it.” It’s still bothering me. This is why we don’t usually watch the news. I just get stuck on these things and it takes forever to essentially move on from that subject and onto something else altogether.

The air outside still is a little biting but not as cold as it was the day before when I dropped off my basket of fruits and vegetables up to the guys. Still I’m glad I have my heavy scarf and my gloves on, they keep my warm. The walk is half-long, the store is almost half an hour’s walk away but that’s fine by me, I’ve never been afraid of walking, I’ve had to all my life until I met Quentin and it hasn’t changed now.

We’re still hesitant to hold hands out in public but we’re doing it a little more every time. I guess it’s a fear born of more than just not being accepted. We’re essentially hiding what we really are, it’s hard to not let that take over all of our lives and hide who we might love while we’re in public and all that rot. We’re just doing our best to not let that fear of being found out rule us.

So we are holding hands, just walking side by side in companionable silence. It’s the best way to move on from the subjects we don’t want to talk about and I know that if I stop thinking about the moron and his too rigid beliefs, I’ll eventually forget about it and move on to things that are more important to me. That’s just how it is, in the end. It’s how my mind works.


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