They’re my brothers. I love them as much as I can but at times they still just baffle me to no end. They adapt so much more quickly than I ever have, it frightens me to think that one day they might just not need me anymore and I don’t know what I’ll do with my life at this point.
Things were different when they were born. I couldn’t bare to look at them. We’re born to a family of elemental demons. My father’s mother is a wind demon and his father a water demon. My father is a wind demon. My mother’s mother is an earth demon and her father is a fire demon. My brother is an earth demon. I think everyone in the family is aware that we’ll all have very mixed gifts. They expected some to have multiple gifts but to this day, we’ve all been gifted to just one. I have a lot of cousins, or had I suppose since we had to flee years ago.
When Agni and Mira were born, I honestly wanted to get rid of them. I want to blame this on the fact that to that point in my life I had been an only child and one quite heavily spoiled. We had a huge family home away from the crowds of our city and it was comfortable as could be. On either side on the same oversized bit of land lived my grandparents, my uncles and aunts, the whole huge family lived in the same area, it was a matter of safety.
My parents spoiled me rotten. It took me a long while to adapt to the change but I’d like to think I treat my brothers with the respect they deserve now. They are so different. Their gifts are direct opposites and my parents thought they might come to hate one another as they grew up but it’s quite the opposite. One completes the other, it’s warming.
Leaving the family home was one of the most difficult things I had to do, especially with these two who just weren’t old enough to handle the travelling but I had to and I really just had no choice then. They were hunting us down, killing us one after the other for what we were. I took the twins and I fled.
I’m not sure how I landed here in France, my memories of that are a little fuzzy. What I do know is that we went from shelter to shelter since I couldn’t exactly find a job and take care of these boys a the same time. It was hard growing up this way but I think I managed well enough. The twins seem to be in no way really scarred by anything that happened while they grew up. They don’t much talk about it but for how easily they open up to people they believe they can trust, I can rest a little.
Now we have a roof over our heads and I don’t know what to think about it. I should be grateful but I have a hard time trusting strangers, even if he claims to be one of us. Anyone could claim that to just get us to trust them and then they’ll just start cutting us apart to find out what makes us who we are and how we work.
Agni and Mira spend a lot of time up there in their apartment with them. I suppose I have to begin to trust them. Mira trusts too easily, he flows like his gift and he adapts perfectly well to almost any situation. Agni is a bit more difficult to handle, he has a dangerous temper and he’s overly protective but he seems to be as fond of these people as his brother is. I don’t know if the respect he shows is grudging or willingly given.
I don’t want my brothers to suffer, I suppose it’s why I’m so hard on them but I’ve had to look after them for years, I don’t want all this work to go to hell because I let my guard down with a pair of people. Still they keep on inviting everyone over, they bring fruits and vegetables. We don’t have to pay for the roof over our head. It all feels too good to be true and I don’t know what to do about it all.
Right now, Mira is sprawled on his bed, fast asleep and Agni is reading one of the books that they let him borrow. I feel no remorse for not knowing their names yet or really remembering them. I don’t feel like I can bother with that just yet though I might have to before too long.
My brothers are beginning to learn how to speak both English and French. I know it’s probably a fault of mine that I didn’t teach them any other language than the one I really grew up with. I guess I was trying to keep them from befriending other people. I’ve learned that if you don’t speak the language, most folks will turn their backs and look at you as if you didn’t belong. I was just trying to protect my brothers after all.
They’re growing up still, they’re learning and adapting and I’m left behind wondering if I didn’t protect them too much. It’s not as if they can’t protect themselves, they can do that just fine but they’re all I have and I don’t want to end up on my own. What if they start to like these guys so much they leave me behind, forget I ever existed? Very selfish of me, I know. I can’t help it.
I lost all of my family when I left India. I don’t know if any of them are still alive at all, a lot had been slaughtered when I took the boys and ran. They’re all I have. The twins were too young to really remember though at times they ask me to tell them stories about mom and dad. At times I tell them the truth, at times I make up stories. They don’t know any better and that’s just all there is to that. Maybe one day they’ll find out the truth but I’m pretty sure that’s a really far away day that won’t come any time soon.
There is a shared dinner invitation again for tonight. I might try to make an effort, I should go, get to know these people who are offering so much without asking for anything in return. It’s just suspicious, no one is that willing to give anything of theirs away anymore. That or my life on the street just has left me jaded to the goodness some people might have in them. I don’t know and I don’t honestly want to think too much about it.
Still I suppose a meal shared with others, like those times when I was so much younger and my life hadn’t gone to hell yet, might be nice. They are strangers but my first meals shared with all the family was strange, I didn’t know my aunts, uncles or cousins, so it might not be so different. I can’t get to know these people unless I give it a try to it’s all I can really do.