simple thoughts

“Breathe in, hold it inside, then slowly breath out. Let all your worries and uncertainties flow out and away from you. Feel lighter, more at peace. Now stretch-“

“What are you watching?” I nearly laugh though I still just focus on the voice on the television. Its words are corny but the slow flow of the voice helps in finding a relaxed sort of state of mind. Not that I’m stressed but I found this channel and I thought it might not hurt to give this relaxation thing a try. He sounds baffled, confused really and it does amuse me more than it should.

“I’m not so much watching as I’m listening. I thought I’d give this relaxation thing a try. For a while I wanted to think nothing but simple, short, mindless thoughts and just relax. Let it all flow out of me.”

I finally open just one eye to look at him. He still doesn’t look convinced and I can’t help the grin that curls at my lips. “I’m not really listening to the words, just the voice itself. Come on, sit down and try.”

He huffs slightly and considers what I’m essentially asking of him. It’s not much and I know he wasn’t doing anything else. Grumbling, mostly for show, I know, he sits down in front of me. I take his hands in mine and I feel a bit of tension ebb out of him. That’s a good start.

“Now just close your eyes, try to think of nothing at all. Don’t focus on the words, just listen to the tone, to the voice itself. If nothing else, focus on our hands, how they’re nestled in mine and how that makes you feel.” Touch is a big thing with us. Touching helps us relax, it pulls us along a road of peace. Never, when we’ve touched before, have I honestly felt stressed in any real way. It’s like there’s a connection between us and all we can feel is peace.

He sighs again but he closes his eyes and I feel his fingers curl slightly into mine. Good. I listen to him breathing in and out for a moment before I close my eye and I let my mind drift off to nothing again. I honestly barely even hear the voice from the television, I just hear a bit of a rise in the tone when it speaks and a drop when it goes again. My mind is empty. I am floating and at peace.

I’m not sure how much time we spend there, just sitting together, hands held carefully and just lightly, barely. When I open my eyes, I notice that his shoulders are a lot less tense, his posture is relaxed and I smile. It’s a small sort of smile but it’s there and I blink slowly, just willing myself to be relaxed and at peace. This is such a good sensation.

I squeeze his fingers gently and he opens his eyes. At first he looks a little confused, I guess I might have pulled him from whatever little floating world he had drifted off to, but then his focus settles and he smiles. It’s a slow, relaxed sort of smile and I chuckle lightly. I don’t know that we will do this on a daily basis but I think that it might honestly not hurt. It feels good to think of nothing, to not focus on anything at all. It feels right.

Slowly I ease up to my feet, I feel my back crack as I do and I know that this is just one of several good things that came from just relaxing and doing nothing for a while. That and well, I know I need to stretch a bit more often. I cramp up when I draw for too long periods of times.

As I stand, he follows suit, we haven’t let go of one another’s hands, after all. He cants his head, almost thoughtful and turns his gaze towards the television. I guess whatever we were watching has ended because now all we’re getting is some slow, relaxing type of music. It’s not such a bad thing. This is another channel to add to our list of channels-we-can-watch. We’re picky and spend most of our time with one of the classical or nature radio station playing instead.

The rest of the day is spent in peaceful, relaxed sort of silence. When we prepare the meal all we really hear is the soft clink of the dishes together, the sound of the fire crackling slightly as we prepare everything. The click of utensils in plates and bowls.

It’s not a bad kind of silence, it’s just a peaceful type. None of us seem to really have anything to say at this point and I have no true complaints. There is no harm to spending days in quiet. At times it’s honestly a good sort of thing.

When we’re done eating, he takes my hand and we head up to the garden, the second floor and then up to the mezzanine on the third floor. He settles on the couch there and I nestle against him. We’ve long since gone past the hour of the sun setting but spending time up here is always wonderful. Despite the city lights, though they’re a little dimmer here since we’re nowhere near the center of the city itself, we can see stars pop out in the sky, like tiny little lights coming on in distant galaxies.

I can’t help but imagine that this is all we are to anyone out there who might be alive in other galaxies. A distant sort of star in their sky, nothing but a tiny, minuscule speck of nothing at all. It makes you think when you really stop to ponder that briefly. We’re tiny beings, not even grains of sands in this huge world. It makes me feel so small at times.

He moves to curl one arm about my waist and I shift accordingly, I move to merely settle against him, half sitting on him as it is. It’s a comfortable position, he makes me feel warm and alive and I just want to huddle and stay against him until the rest of the day fades away.

Since the twins have more or less made it a habit to drop by here at least once a week, twice most of the time, we’ve slowly adapted our schedule again. We’ve become day folks for the most part. Though we usually are up around mid-morning and we’re up until much later in the night. It’s nothing close to how we were before, getting up in the evenings and staying awake all night. Not to say we might not head back to that lifestyle once they’re all moved in next door and have more to keep themselves occupied with, how schedule is always shifting and changing.

I find some peace in that. Routine isn’t something I honestly want to settle into, it’s not my kind of thing. I would rather have my life be different for every day I wake up to if I can help it. That way it’s more interesting.


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