child of mine

Lounging in bed is a rare opportunity for us. We’re both early risers and we tend to believe that we get the most out of our days if we don’t lazy about too much in the earlier hours. We tend to catch up in the evenings, when we go to bed. Today is different and I’m not sure why, else than he’s finally done putting away all of the books in our private little (not so little!) library just out back, I’ve done all the paperwork I needed for the next couple of weeks. There are no commissions waiting for him and no work for either of us if we look at the grand scheme of life. It’s good enough.

I know he’s not asleep. His breathing is almost regular, slow paced, even but it isn’t quite. I can tell when he’s deeply lost in his thoughts and this is one of those moments. I don’t mind, I can appreciate just spending time nestled up against him, resting, not quite asleep myself. It’s beautifully peaceful and I couldn’t really ask for anything else. I sigh softly and he finally blinks, looking away from the ceiling where he was staring off and partly down to me.

“Have you ever wanted children?”

His words startle the peacefulness out of my veins and I blink up at him, shifting to actually lean partly away from him, resting on my elbow. I study his face for a moment as I try to make sense of what he’s asked me and why now at all.

“I don’t think it ever really crossed my mind, Lex. I mean, I know with a good teacher, my gift can be controlled but I don’t know that I could bring myself to bring a child into this world knowing I would have to teach him or her the controls, that I would have to see them suffer for a while until they did learn to control this gift.”

He cants his head, looks back up towards the ceiling and nods, as if to confirm what he’d been thinking about. I’m not sure honestly. I’m a little surprised by this conversation.

“So you have thought about children and what it might be like, you’re just not sure you’d be able to handle them suffering to a point and honestly that’s true for most of us with destructive or very powerful gifts. I don’t know why it crossed my mind today. I guess it’s that woman I delivered the commission piece to yesterday. She had at least three kids running around her house and she was big, I’m pretty sure she’ll manage that birthday party she had scheduled for today but then she’s going to pop and I’m pretty sure there wasn’t just one bun in her oven.”

I blink again at him and I can’t help a soft laugh. I suppose that dealing with a heavily pregnant woman who already had kids around could bring the thought of kids to anyone’s mind, even if just to speculate about. I flop down, going nearly limp against him with another soft laugh and I shake my head.

“Lex, you’re it for me. I know that we’re not eternal but we’re just about. I’m sure I’d love the chance to raise kids one of these days if I wasn’t absolutely terrified of seeing them suffer because of the gift I’d hand down to them-“

“You don’t know for a fact it’s your gift they would have, you have to consider the gift of whoever would be carrying these kids, they might have hers, instead.”

“Don’t get my started on that. What little memories I have of my parents are fights about how gifts had to stay in the family. They would have turned their nose at the Bachchan trio. Though they’re all elemental so it might have slipped but imagine for all of a second if you were a woman, they wouldn’t have let me be with you. You would have left a huge taint on our gift and they didn’t want that.” I roll my eyes, nuzzling against his shoulder as I do so.

“Well your parents are, or were in any case, bigots. I don’t remember what mind might have said and it doesn’t matter. I don’t know why the idea of kids is stuck in my brain right now but think about it. Maybe, just maybe one of these days we might find a surrogate. We both could donate a little of ourselves. It would be one very chaotic gift but I think we could handle it.”

I suck in a breath, straight again and look down at him once more. His eyes are serious, there’s not a hint of teasing in his eyes and my heart speeds up a little. He’s actually given this a lot more thought than I first had imagined. A little us running about? Maybe, I don’t know. The idea honestly scares the hell out of me.

“Even if we found a surrogate, there are chances neither one of our gift would take and hers would.”

“There always are those of us who aren’t gifted. Demons without any of the extra power. It might not be a bad thing. Or we could find a human surrogate.”

“That would dilute out blood, I don’t know what the lifespans of half-blood are.” As I utter those words, all I see is Armin, there is more than likely no more than a quarter of demon blood in his veins. I honestly really like the guy. He’s honest and all he wants is to be appreciated, to be seen as a normal human being. I don’t know when he’ll die but I know it will hurt when it happens. I want him to stay with us. We might find means to enhance his life a bit.

“Thinking about Armin?”

His words startle me out of my half-daze and I smile at him somewhat sheepishly. I shrug, sigh and settle back down against his shoulder. He pulls me up against his side and I’m aware that things are about to go to a very, very different direction. I don’t mind. He’s now planted the seed of having children in my mind and it’s not going to be forgotten. I’m in no rush but I admit that it might not honestly be a bad idea.

Finally getting out of bed, he swats playfully at my ass and I laugh, swatting his hand away. The thought of children has faded, not enough to be forgotten but I’ve put it into a box. Now and again I open different boxes, revisit them and check to see what my thought is on the subject that was put in there by then.

We shower together, not so much to conserve water, just because we can and it leads to even more time spent together and even more pleasure shared. We dry up, dress and head into the kitchen to see about getting ourselves something to eat. I know Adela will be fine without us looking in on her today, she’s had her meal last night before we went to bed.

I think we’re going to go out. Take a long walk, or even take the car and head off out of the city for a few hours. Maybe even just out to port where we’ll slip onto the yacht and take to the waters for most of the day. I know Armin isn’t expecting me so I really have all of my day to myself. I can’t say no to something like that.

We’ve both been so busy lately with the new house, the new set up, commissions, work and friends that we haven’t really had a whole day of just us together with no one else to really bother us. I know we’ll make the most of it. We very well could have made the most of it by not getting out of bed at all but at times a little outside fun is just as pleasant.

Today is going to be a good day.

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