an obstacle

“Haizea.” The name left his mouth in a whisper, his eyes wide and unbelieving. Andoni’s not-quite twin sister. Andoni had told Armin, not long after they had started to really date, that Haizea had been born two years before him but on the same day. They had grown up close, she had always been there for him, always at his side. They had acted closer than most other twins Andoni had ever met in his life and he had met quite a few.

She had never approved of the disabled boyfriend. She knew his name but refused to ever utter it. To her, when she thought he might not hear her speaking to her brother in hushed tones, it was the disabled boyfriend, the ugly man. It was not only his slight disability that had bothered her, it was the fact that he was as he was: a man. Armin had been aware from day one of their relationship that Andoni saw himself as pansexual. He had dated women and men before, not in huge numbers but he had. This was not something Armin gave much thought to. The man loved him, treated him like he was normal and that was all that mattered.

He hadn’t seen much of her while he and Andoni had been together. Only when they were meeting up with his family. Armin himself had no family to really share, they lived in another city. Andoni’s own were in the city and now and again they would meet up with them. His boyfriend’s parents seemed indifferent to his presence but Haizea had made it clear from the beginning that she didn’t like him. The petite woman was fierce and loving to her family but she was painfully judgemental to others.

Andoni had tried to tell him that she had been this way with every single person he had ever brought home, the few souls he had dated and it made him wonder as to the kind of person it might take for Haizea to actually believe her brother might finally be happy.

She was sitting at the bar, talking to someone, he couldn’t see who. He wasn’t about to get up and go talk to her. That would have been one of his more foolish ideas. All he wanted was to have a quiet meal in peace and the slight two-person booth he had been taken to was just that. Just far enough from the bar, far enough from the main floor. It was his usual spot when he came into this restaurant.

It was hard to mistake her for anyone. She hadn’t changed at all in the years since he had lost his lover, since her brother had died. At times he wondered if it wasn’t her who turned Andoni’s parents against him, who made them blame him for the accident that he hadn’t even been around to witness. They hadn’t much cared for him but hadn’t tried to get him to leave. He had wondered if she really was the reason he hadn’t been able to have his last goodbyes, hadn’t even been allowed at the funerals. Those thoughts had haunted him for months before he had forced himself to try to move on.

He then tried to ignore her as she sat and chatted somewhat animatedly with someone he couldn’t see. He ate his meal in quiet, just as he liked it. He had almost forgotten her presence at the bar altogether by the time he had finished his simple dessert. It all came smashing back into his face as he got up to leave. He realized one thing: he had to round the bar to get to the exit. His heart sank.

He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. It was likely she had forgotten about him completely and he hoped that to be the case. He didn’t know how well he could handle anything else. He didn’t want to talk to her but she had been confrontational when Andoni hadn’t been in the room with him. She would get in his face and hiss threats at him, telling him that he had to leave right there and then or so help her- she never did get to finish those sentences. Andoni had amazing timing.

Sighing, he rubbed the bridge of his nose carefully and he started on his way towards the bar. He had no other choices. So he went, he walked slowly and steadily, he made is beyond the bar and out the door. He was free, he could hail a taxi and get back home.

“-hole.” He blinked at the half-word that reached his ears but assumed someone nearby was talking to someone else.

“I said wait, you fucking asshole!” The voice made him cringe and shudder. He stopped, standing as straight as he could. He only wanted to go home, why did it have to turn out this way?

“Haizea.” He murmured the name softly. He had nothing nice to say to her and he wasn’t about to go out of his way to be nice to her. Not the way she had treated him during the years he had had with Andoni. All he really felt was empty indifference at this point. He just wanted home.

“Don’t you dare utter my name you disabled asshole!” She really hadn’t changed. Even in her heels she came up about to his nose. She really had been petite to Andoni’s much taller frame. Still she had been protective of her younger brother.
“I have done nothing to you, Haizea. I don’t deserve whatever anger you still seem to hold over me. I just want to go home.”

“I said you don’t get to utter my name, asshole. You took my brother away from me. You killed him. I should beat you the hell up but you’re so pathetic it’s not even worth it.”

“So you just stepped outside to give me some lip? I lost the man I loved. He was everything to me. It was an accident and you kept me from even seeing him one last time to tell him I loved him.” His words are still soft but he feels the old pain bloom anew in his chest. His head is killing him.

She sneers up at him, nearly in his face. She pokes him in the chest with a finger. “You killed him, bastard, and I’ll have your head for that one of these days, just you wait, I’m no where near done with you. You soiled him with your filthy disabled love.”

Rubbing the bridge of his nose, trying so hard to stay calm, he closes his eyes again and breathes in deeply. He shakes his head and slowly turns around. If she wanted to do anything to him at this point he didn’t much care, he just wanted to get home. He wanted to be away and in his bed or at least where he knew he was safe from ever hearing her voice again though it would haunt him for a while, he knew.

“You’ll see what happens to people who turn their backs to me!” She was almost screeching as he flagged down a cab. He was glad to get in and give his address. All he wanted at this point was to be home, that really was it. He wanted the quiet safety of his bedroom.

His fare paid and his emotions mostly in control again, he stepped into the building, listening to the door as it clicked shut and locked behind him. He walked down to his apartment and stepped inside. That door too was locked though he was the one to lock it. He barely thought to hang his coat on the portmanteau in the entryway before he was walking to his bedroom.

He struggled briefly with his shoes to get them off and that was as far as he got with everything else. He crawled into his bed still fully clothed and merely curled up best as he could. He reached for the blanket he kept at the foot of his bed and covered himself up with it. It wasn’t fair that she still was haunting him. Not when he was finally trying to move on.

All he wanted was to move on.


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