I don’t know why it took me so long to get this done and on my wrist. I suppose it is the sight of Alexis’s bracelet on my other wrist or the fact that for some reason I had an attack while at the library just last week and when they asked me if I had any allergies I couldn’t tell them. I honestly didn’t know.
I spent the next day, almost all of it, with a specialist, on Eoghan’s request because he was so worried about me, testing this and that, pinpointing out a few of the allergies I did have. Most of them had nothing with my daily life but they had plenty to do with any time I might spend in the hospital. I was in there so much as a child that I would have thought they’d still have some kind of file on me though it has been quite a few years so probably not.
Maybe medicine changed so much since I last was in the hospital that most of my file is useless to them. I don’t know and I guess it doesn’t really matter. At this point I have this shiny little bracelet on my wrist and on it, there’s the info about what I’m allergic to and what might just kill me. I can’t help but think it’s a bad idea. Someone could have a look at that and think ‘oh, hey I could kill this guy with that’ and just end my life. I guess I’m just being my usual melodramatic self.
“There is nothing melodramatic about you, Armin.” I almost jump, startled and I turn to Eoghan as he stands in the little doorway that leads out to the yard. I’ve been sitting on the swinger for the past half hour, just relaxing and trying to enjoy the rest of my day despite this uncomfortably sticky heat.
“You’re not supposed to poke around in my head.” My words are low but with a hint of amusement, I know these were more than likely very much surface thoughts and who knows I might have been thinking about them so hard that he didn’t even have to try to pick them up, he just did.
“No one is going to just look at your wrist and decide to pick one of these medications might just be useful in killing you, Armin. Honestly at times I wonder what’s going on in that brain of yours.”
“Let’s see. Chaos, a bit more chaos, some book knowledge, the nearly faded whispers of everyone in the vicinity, morbid thoughts about this or that, I could go on?” He rolls his eyes, obviously amused at my poor attempt at humour.
He steps outside, closes the door and moves to settle next to me in the swinger. I feel his weight settle and we swing gently. My legs barely brush the ground when I’m sitting on this thing, I’m not sure why I sit in it at all since I like making sure my feet are on the ground. I trust him, I guess is it.
“You do know that I only did call in that specialist because I was worried about you, right? I’ve seen someone pretty much die in their arms because that person didn’t know about their allergies and one drop of the stuff, boom, lungs collapsed, they couldn’t get them inflated again.”
“I know, Eoghan. At times I still just feel a little detached. I spent a lot of my childhood years in the hospital and I don’t remember them ever really asking me about any allergies. I guess things were different then.”
“You’re not that old.”
We move to step back inside long before the sun begins to set. In the middle of summer this way, it sets late and it is more my stomach over anything else that reminds us we’ve spent enough time outside just talking about this and that. Most of it was nonsense, how’s the weather discussions and I can appreciate that after spending years on my own not really talking to anyone.
Eoghan keeps the swinger from moving at all to help me get up and I do. Once I’m on my feet I reach for the crutch and I slip it over my arm. We walk side by side towards the back door that would lead us back in but I take the door that leads me directly back to my apartment. He pauses behind me and I simply invite him in. One way or another he’ll get back up to his apartment without an issue.
I know he likes to look in on me now and again, have a look around the apartment to make sure I’m doing all right. It’s so strange to have someone around who cares this much still. I’m slowly wrapping my mind around it but at times I still can’t really understand it.
I walk him towards the main door leading into the hallway, the silence is quiet and companionable. He steps outside and bids me a good evening before reminding me that he’ll see me in a couple more days on our usual gathering of dinner and movie.
That idea, too, is still very foreign but it’s interesting to be up there with these people, getting to know them a little better. Mira seems to really like spending time with me, it baffles me. Agni is outgoing and all smiles. Their sister Zora is a little more closed in but I’ve seen her smile now and again, she’s quite pretty. Yael is an artist, I can tell that much just by looking at him and by the way his eyes light up when they talk about a certain subject. I’m a bit in the dark about Quentin, we’ve met a few times already but he doesn’t talk much about whatever it is he might do. He and Yael seem absolutely close however and I’m happy for them. Alexis is a towering bulk of surprising gentleness. I admit I was rather afraid of him when I first met him but that has melted away to nothing. Eoghan is Eoghan. He’s almost too friendly for his own good but it does me a world of good so I can’t complain.
My bed awaits me with open arms. At least that’s the way I see it, the pillows are set just so, the sheets are pulled back. I do mostly make my bed up in the morning but I fail to really see the point so I just straighten the sheets and the pillows, leaving it clean but ready to be eased into. I like to just flop into bed once I’m done with my day. It’s an old habit, born of the time I spent with Andoni. He didn’t care for making up the bed at all and I used to want to straighten everything to no end so we came up to this compromise. Not undone, not perfectly done up but clean and ready to be slept into.
I smile at the sight of the bed as the memory of the day I’ve had this discussion with him fills my mind. Most of my memories of him are good memories now. They used to hurt up until recently when I thought about them but now when they come back to the surface I just close my eyes and enjoy the ghost of his presence next to me for a few heartbeats. It reminds me of the good times and I know I’ve accepted his departure. It’s so much easier now. I’m not feeling guilty over his death. I know it wasn’t my fault, no matter what his family might try to get me to believe.
Undressing, I carefully put my clothes away for the night. I put my crutch down against the low chair I keep there to make sure it’s not going anywhere and I crawl into bed, under the perfectly waiting sheets. I close my eyes and roll to my side to settle. This bed might be large but it’s perfect for my life right now. Things are just right and even the soft warmth of the I.D. medical bracelet on my wrist won’t take away from the fact that my life is going surprisingly well.