I can’t remember where this blanket came from. I don’t remember either one of us ever having bought that. At least I don’t recall ever buying it and I suppose Eoghan could have but it’s not in his usual colour of choice. I mean we do have a few black things in the apartment but not that many. We have one set of bed sheets though it’s rarely out and it’s more for the dead of winter when it really is absolutely cold in the place. We haven’t had to use them here in Dunkerque yet. This blanket though, I really don’t remember having a black blanket in the house.
“Eoghan?” I know he’s not far, I’m just not sure where he’s at.
He comes out of the movie room and I quirk a brow. We’re never really in that room unless it’s for our weekly supper and movie, maybe he was looking something over. I hold up the black blanket and he blushes. Now I’m really curious but I wait until he’s at my side to ask any questions. He rubs the back of his head and slows down before he’s next to me.
“Care to explain?” There is no accusation in my tone since I’m not actually accusing him of anything but if he blushes that way, there has to be a reason. He looks at the blanket and brushes his fingers over it lightly as if it will bring an answer to the question I’ve just asked him. Now he looks absolutely sheepish and my curiosity is piqued.
“That old, fluffy white blanket we’ve had, you remember?” Of course I remember, it used to sit at the foot of our bed, I’ve been wondering where it was the past couple of days.
“It ended up in the wash with our new burgundy bed sheets.” He looks up at me, uncertain still but something clicks in my head and my eyes must light up because he ducks his head, cheeks deeper red still.
“I don’t know how it ended up there, I guess I didn’t look in the washer when I dropped in the sheets but it came out pink. It was pink and I know that’s just not a colour we really have in this place and it was out of place and I didn’t want to throw it out so I bought some black dye, I didn’t know what other colours would work to cover the pink and I just dyed it black.” He’s almost out of breath explaining it all, as if he’d somehow broken an old china vase that had been worth more money than I cared about.
I shake my head and laugh softly. “It’s my fault, the blanket was due a wash but I didn’t want to wash it alone, it would have been a waste of water. I thought I’d find something else to put into the washer with it but then it slipped my mind altogether. I think it doesn’t look too bad in black, it’ll contrast with the bed sheets just the same as when it was white.”
His shoulders sag and I laugh again, a soft, amused sort of sound. I’m not laughing at him, I’m laughing at the situation in general. “Honestly, Eoghan, as if I’d get mad at you for something like this?”
He grumbles a little and reaches for the blanket, hugging it to himself as if it was an armour to protect him from I don’t know what. “Accidents happen, we’re both to blame and there’s nothing we can do about it now.”
“It was your old blanket, we’ve had it for I don’t know how long, I feel terrible for it. I know I should have told you when it happened but I was terrified of how you might react.”
This gives me pause, I look down at him for a long moment, as if trying to see something I might have missed before. Has my behaviour, in any way, indicated that I might hurt him if something went wrong? It sends a chill down my spine that he might think I could hurt him for something like that.
“I’ve never hit you, Eoghan. I never will. I’m not like that and we both know it.” I know my voice is a little strained but it’s hard to wrap my mind around the fact that he seems to believe I could hurt him. It hurts.
“I’m sorry.” He murmurs the words so softly I barely hear them. He hugs the blanket tighter to himself before his arms are around my waist and he’s just holding onto me as if the world was about to end. I’m not sure what to think.
The blanket looks wonderful at the foot of the bed, even in black. It doesn’t change how I feel about it. It’s an old blanket, it’s been with me for a while and that’s all there really is to that one.
We’ve had a long talk about this whole afraid I’d hurt him thing. I still don’t know where that fear came from but at least I think I made myself clear about how I felt. I have a hard time still wrapping my mind around the fact that somehow he thought I would hurt him. It makes no sense to me, none at all.
As we settle in bed, he huddles against my side and I can’t help but think back to our beginnings. It was so long ago. I still was learning to control my gift for the better part when we first met. I had that bracelet my brother had made for me, that special stone but my gift still was slightly beyond my control on bad days. I know we have bad days when I first allowed him at my side but I never once raised my hand to harm him. I might have yelled, no, I know I yelled but I never once raised my hand.
I’ll have to make it up to him somehow. Show him that I’ll never let harm come to him, especially not if it comes from me. This blanket means a lot to me but not half as much as he does. If somehow the whole place had to be left behind, I’d leave the blanket behind but I’d do all I could to keep him with me. I’d even leave Adela behind if he was the only one I could save. I know he has a hard time believing that one, or he would if I told him.
I pull him closer to me and I close my eyes. I feel his breathing warm and steady against him but I know he’s not asleep yet.
He shifts just lightly, barely and he opens his eyes from his spot against my shoulder. I pull him closer still, as if I could somehow merge us together. Maybe that would be the best solution if it was possible at all. I turn my head and kiss his forehead since that is the closest part of him I can reach. He closes his eyes again and nuzzles my shoulder.
“I love you. You’re the only true important part of my life. I don’t know why you seem to be afraid that I’d react badly over this old blanket. I’ve had it for a while and it is important but nowhere near as important as you. If I could only have one thing near me to the end of time I’d pick you because you complete me.”
He sniffles lightly against my shoulder and I sigh. My lips quirk just faintly and I just press another kiss to his forehead. I know he loves me. I know he adores me to no end and would do anything for me. I feel the same way about him, I just wish he wasn’t afraid.