underground

“Have we added ‘caves’ to that list of places we want to visit?” He calls the words out from the living room where I guess he’s watching a documentary. It mostly is the only thing we watch at this point. The music channels are one thing but nearly everything else we don’t bother with. It’s my fault, I know. I’m too sensitive. I see something troubling and it gets to me, then I can’t sleep for I don’t know how many days and then everything just sort of falls apart. I’m dramatizing but it feels that way, at times I feel like I’m holding him back. It is not a pleasant sort of feeling.

I’m honestly not sure what he means by caves though. I guess it might be one cave in particular, I’ll have to ask him though I’m not going to start yelling through the house, that’s not even any way to discuss things. If he wants to talk to me he’ll have to come my way. My door is open, I’m just sketching a few ideas to paper and he knows that when the door is open, he can come in and talk to me. When the door is closed is something else altogether though. It’s just one of the rules of our lives together. My studio door is closed he leaves me be, his working room door is closed, I leave him be. He still doesn’t spend much time in there but I know he’s planning a few different projects. That’s fine, if his passion can grow the way mine still does to this day, I think we’ll have managed something wonderful.

His steps shuffle a little as he gets up from the couch and he comes my way. It only takes him a few moments before he’s leaning against the frame of the door and I look back up to him. He stops, mouth partially opened and I’m not sure what he was going to say. Instead of saying anything, he laughs softly and steps closer. He wets his thumb lightly in his mouth and he rubs at a spot high along my cheekbone. I close my eyes and I let him, only opening them when he steps back.

“You had a dark smudge of charcoal.” Oh, well that explains that. He grins as my cheeks take on the rosy hint of blush and I look back to my sketch for a moment, then to him again. A silent question to know what he meant about the caves, since I assume this is why he’s at my door now.

“I was thinking that we could add caves to our traveling list. I was watching this documentary on caves and underground passages and stuff. I mean some of these caves out there are underwater and you have to dive to get to them but a lot of others don’t need any special equipment, you just sort of go and visit and stuff.”

“And stuff.” I have to quirk a brow, I grin at him and he shrugs with a slight chuckle of his own. ‘And stuff’ is his statement at the moment when he can’t really think of anything else to add but thinks there’s a lot more that could be added. It’s cute.

“I guess we could put caves on our list. I guess it’s your desire of the moment.” I can’t help the amusement really. I know I’ve done exactly the same thing when I added ‘mountains’ to our list. That is so vague but it amuses me. I don’t know why, at that point I wanted to climb a mountain and I wanted to make it special, that really all there is to that one.

I didn’t really get to finish my sketching, not that it’s that much of an issue. I was putting charcoal in most places but the one where I wanted it to be and that was on my sketchpad. Of course, before I went anywhere I ended up in the bathroom to wash up because I was a mess. More than I’d realized too but I suppose that doesn’t really matter that much. I had smudges in several places on my face and several on my arms. At least, thank goodness, my shirt and my pants are black so even if there were smudges on there, I was the only one who might have known about them at all.

Washing up done, I wandered off to the living room where he’d set out a couple of glasses of juice along with the pitcher on the low table, a couple of pillows for more comfortable television watching and he waited until I was settled until he got back to the channel he’d been watching before. I honestly think we can pause our television, I’m not sure, it’s stuff I don’t really understand too well. I’m not sure why he decided on switching channels while I was getting ready but it doesn’t matter much. These are all little quirks that make him who he is and that is more than fine by me, it won’t change how much I love and adore him.

I settle down next to him but he doesn’t scoot closer, I’m thankful for that. The heat is still uncomfortable outside and while our AC works fine inside, there still is some sticky humidity inside that makes sitting too close uncomfortable after short amounts of time. I don’t want to just wander off on him after I’ve just settled down.

The first cave I come face to face with is some place they call the Reed Flute Cave. I admit it is absolutely gorgeous, the colours are to die or and I feel inspiration swell clearly. We could add in caves to our visiting list, I’m just not sure how comfortable I might be with the idea of being underground in this way. I mean, I feel safe in this house despite that I know that by some freak accident it could tumble down and kill us both. I feel that way about caves. They’re mainly underground, if something happens while in there, there’s nothing that can be done. You’re pretty much stuck there until you die.

I shiver, I know it’s just a mild note of fear from me and I try to shrug it off as a note from the AC as it kicks back on. I reach for one of the glasses of juice and I bring it to my lips for a slight sip. If he wants to visit caves, I might try to work on my fear of them to see to it that he does something he really wants to at one point in his life.

By the time we get there, he might have changed his mind about the idea of visiting deadly places like that and we might not go. I know it’s childish. These caves have been there forever and no one has ever died in them from being crushed in or from being stuck after an avalanche or something of the sort so I have no true reason for being afraid, I just can’t help it.

I know Quentin has his own fears, one of them involves avalanches so my idea of going up a snowy mountain scares the shit out of him but he still allowed me to put that information on our trip wish list and I know he’d do it if I really asked him to. I might not, it was just an idea lost in the middle of a lot of different ideas. Our list has grown so long that I don’t know that we might ever get through all of it. Not for age factors, of course, but who knows if most of those places will still be the way the are now when we’re finally ready to travel and visit the world?

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