what you’re longing for

“I don’t know.” His answer confused me somewhat, that’s hardly the kind of answer you hear when you ask someone what they’d want if they could have anything at all in the world. He shrugged as he looked between me and his brother.

“You don’t know? If the whole world was just a huge basket with everything you could ever want in it, you don’t know what you’d pick?” He shrugged again, the motion a simple lift and drop of his shoulders. “Well I suppose it’s not such a bad thing, I’m just having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that you don’t seem to know what you might long for the most in the world, it doesn’t have to be tangible, you don’t have to be able to touch it.”

I know I’m pushing it a little, this whole thing just confuses me to a point. I suppose it might be a vague sort of question. I know what I long for, I have it for now and I hope it last but I’ve longed for this kind of friendship for so long. I cherish it for as long as I can since I don’t know if they’ll stick around in my life for long.

Mira, sitting next to Ophé, just petting away at her, much to her delight, looks between his brother and me, he looks half-lost in thought. “What about you, Mira? Anything at all you long for more than anything else in the world that, if you could, you’d reach for and grab?”

His eyes focus on my face finally and he tilts his head to the side. He seems to study me for a moment before he lifts his shoulders in a shrug, much the way Agni had. “I don’t know, really. What I know is that I have a roof over my head, I didn’t have that in a steady way growing up. I have three meals a day and I didn’t have that steadily growing up either. I have warmth in winter and a cool environment in summer, I have clothes and I have my brother still with me. I have a family though they’re not blood related and I have you as a friend. I don’t really think I need anything more.”

His last words warm me and I feel the blush trying to take over my face. I shake it off lightly and leave the subject be for the time being. I was aware that they’d had a rough childhood but not how bad it might really have been. They’d told me about how they’d had to leave their home back in India for reasons that are still fuzzy to me. I thought maybe they’d had family over here but I guess I was wrong. I feel shallow for a few moments for all the opulence I grew up with but I tell myself that I was born into this life but I don’t live it.

Sure, I have this roof over my head and clothes to wear and meals every day but these clothes I bought myself though I admit, the money isn’t money I earned. Though I do give a lot of my allowance away to charities so I guess it must count for something. I don’t take this whole money thing for granted, that’d just be completely foolish.

I do work a few hours a week, I started not long after I met them. It’s not much but all that money goes into an account I opened up for myself, away from my father’s eyes, away from my mother’s prying. I could live rich if I wanted to but I don’t see the use or the point.

“Cy?”

I blink, startled out of my thoughts and I look do Mira who now has Ophé’s head nearly cradled in his lap. I chuckle softly at the thought and then look to Agni who had uttered my name. “Yup?”

He grins somewhat but rolls his eyes at me, as if I’d done something silly.

“It’s nice and bright outside, I’m not sure why we’re inside, how about we bring out the toy plane?”

That thing fascinates him to no end, it amuses me. If he wants to learn to control it, I don’t mind, really. It also gives Ophé plenty of exercise and that’s also part of the package deal.

“Sounds like a plan and we’re inside, for your information, because there was a cloud of rain making sure we were all showered nice and wet when we got off the bus.” A very unexpected rain cloud but it did look as though it had gone on its way, the sky was clear and bright, the air was warm.

I located the plane while the twins wandered out back, Ophé on their heels. I’m glad they like her and she likes them. She’s been pretty picky over the last few months about who she was letting in the house and who she wasn’t. Most of Élodie’s boyfriends can’t make it past the gate, I suppose it’s why I only ever see her every other night or so. I don’t mind. Our relationship isn’t all that. She’s promiscuous, I lost count of how many guys she tried to bring inside before Ophé decided that she’d had enough of these intruders. Élodie might be my sister but there is no closeness between us and no lost love. I feel no ache in not being able to spend time with her.

“Try to keep it up right, because if you run it into the trees, it’s more than likely going to fall to pieces and they’re pretty difficult to glue back together.” I chuckle softly as I try to get him to learn better control of the flying toy. Ophé is chasing away at it, pleased as can be. He’s managing well enough, swerved just barely to avoid some trees a couple of times already and to be honest I’m more worried about Ophé ramming into the trees than the plane. She’s even less likely to be glued back together, after all.

He nods and offers a sheepish sort of smile. “Sorry Cy, doing my best but the wind keeps on gusting up.”

“Well the wind is part of life and we can’t really control it. At least, us mere, poor humans can’t control it, I suppose some God out there could probably control it but I don’t know how that’d go.” I shrug but grin at him. The yard is clear, really. There are trees but they’re mostly out of the way, now if they’d been here and there instead of along the sides and far out at the back, I might have been reluctant to let him control the plane, for Ophé’s safety but he’s doing pretty well at this point so I can’t complain.

I look down to Mira a moment as he’s sitting on the stairs leading down into the garden. I know I can trust Agni with the plane so I settle down next to Mira for a little bit.

“We must be boring you to no end, huh?”

He blinks and looks up at me before he shakes his head, the ghost of a smile to his lips as he looks out to the yard. “Not bored, just a little tired, had a long night, I couldn’t really sleep, kept on having nightmares.”

“Oh, I’m sorry Mira.”

“Why?”

I blink at his question and for a moment I have to ask myself the same. Why am I sorry? It’s old habits, everyone always seems to say they’re sorry when someone’s having a bad day or had nightmares. I shrug somewhat. “It’s just what people say, I mean I imagine it’s not my fault you’re having nightmares so I shouldn’t apologize but it’s just one of those things people do, I guess.”

“Well people are strange.” There it is, at least he’s smiling now. I gently bump my shoulder to his and he returns the motion with a soft chuckle.

“In a short while, I’ll finally take you guys on a tour of this huge place, sounds like a plan? We’ll take it slow so you can keep up.”

“That sounds neat, how do you not get lost in here?”

“I used to when I was a kid, not so much now.”

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