I’ve avoided seeing them since Wednesday evening. It hasn’t stopped me from thinking about them during most of my waking moments. I can’t help it and I suppose it has to mean something. I haven’t had friends like this in a few years, Magali doesn’t count and Niall is an asshole so he counts even less, I don’t even want to think about Élodie though she’s been around and nagging. As is, these three are family and they don’t really count as far as ‘friends’ are concerned.
I miss the twins. This is what is clearest in my mind, despite my inability to really understand what I’ve seen Mira do out there in the garden while playing with Ophé. It didn’t look evil, it didn’t feel wrong, it just defied the laws of everything I’ve ever been thought. Of course I’ve seen the movies about mutants and gifted people but I always thought it was bullshit, just science fiction and fantasy and what have you. I suppose I might have been wrong.
As I get into Magali’s old car that she’s rather willingly let me have, saying she couldn’t drive at that point as it was, I wonder if I’ll be able to face the twins, if I’ll be able to really talk to them without wondering. What if I’m not? What if I do talk to them but all I can think about is what Mira has done and what if I ask them about it? I can understand, in a way, why they kept it from me but I still- I just can’t understand anything.
I drive slowly through the morning traffic, finding myself a usual parking spot not far from the library and I finish heading there on foot. I usually work on Monday mornings but today is different, the boutique is closed for repairs or something or other, I didn’t ask when I received the text telling me I didn’t need to come in this week. I don’t mind, it gives me more time to focus on the other things I know I need to face and understand.
I make it to the library and I stand by the closed doors, it’s usually how it goes. I tend to make it there before they do. At least, it was that way before I got my licence and I don’t really see a point to changing that habit, even if I no longer have to take the bus. I think for a moment and I look at the coffee shop. I know they’ll come by the next bus drop but I do what I’ve done to this day without fail. It’s not because I’m confused about my friendship that I have to change this almost tradition.
So I step away from the doors and I head to the coffee shop, getting the usual for everyone along with those danish pastries I know Mira likes so much. The thought of talking to them actually make me smile somewhat. I don’t think I’d realized how much I like spending time with them, strangeness aside or not.
I see them cross the street to the library by the time I step back outside of the coffee shop and I stay back a few moments, letting them get ahead of me. I’d rather we all get inside before anything really happens though I suppose I’ve missed them too much, or my feet decide I have because before I realize it, I’ve moved along and I’m just a few paces behind them. I stop when Armin is at the doors, unlocking them and I clear my throat gently.
Mira is the first to turn and his eyes widen almost comically before they grew wet with tears. My heart aches to realize that I might have caused them as much pain as I caused myself by keeping away but all I can offer him is the ghost of a smile. I think it helps because he nods slowly but he smiles back, just barely. He turns around and steps inside once the door are open and Agni holds it for me since my hands are full.
We don’t really have time to stop and talk at this point so I just drop the pastries at the front desk and we all mostly fall into the usual routine. Of course there isn’t much talking done as we work but I can work with that. I just want to talk to them once but I know I’m better off waiting until the end of the day.
It doesn’t come fast enough, lunch is somewhat awkward though Mira keeps on looking at me with his wide, hopeful eyes while I can’t really read Agni’s face, his gaze is guarded and I can’t blame him for it. Once Armin locks the doors, I rest my hand lightly on Mira’s arm, silently asking him if he can’t stay back and talk. As I do that, he reaches out with his other hand and touches Agni’s arm, they both stop and we wave Armin off as he heads to the bus.
We sit on the stairs and I know I have to break the silence at it settles but for a few moments I can’t really find my voice. I snort at myself and sigh, pressing the palm of my hands hard into my eyes for a few moments, trying to get my brain to come up with anything and the best it can comes up with eventually slips from my lips: “I’m sorry.”
I only take a second to register the idiocy of my words before I’m talking again, trying to get my point across before they decide I’ve fucked up too much to really manage to salvage anything.
“I don’t know where to start and I don’t even know if I should. I miss you guys, I realized it every night I didn’t reach out and talk to you but I was trying to understand what I saw, I see these things in movies but I never thought they were real so you have to understand that I was confused, scared honestly. I didn’t tell anyone though, not even Maggy.”
Agni blinks at me, looks to his brother and Mira is the first one to laugh but oh his eyes, they’re still so wet and it makes me hurt. I don’t want to hurt him this way. “I didn’t think you’d be the one to come out and find me, Cyrille.”
His words are so soft, I have to lean closer to hear them. “We’re just different, we’re not monsters. We were born this way and we haven’t hurt anyone in any way. At least we do our best not to. It’s been a good defence mechanism when we were on the streets with Zora while we grew up but we never hurt anyone.”
Agni nods and touches Mira’s shoulder. I sag a little, trying to will myself to believe that it might just not be too late.
“So you control water.” My words are so soft, I don’t really want anyone out there to hear, after all. Mira nods and he opens his hands. I look down to them and in front of my very eyes, his cupped hands fill with water as if by magic. My eyes widen but I still stare, hypnotized. Now that I know I’m not imagining it, it’s actually neat.
I turn my eyes to Agni who has moved to sit in front of his brother, as if to shield him from view. I don’t blame them. This is different and if it took me time to understand it and I’m pretty open-minded about things, I can only imagine how the rest of the world might react.
“What about you?”
He looks at me, as if uncertain that he wants to answer that question before he’s cupping his hands together, as if hiding a bug or keeping something prisoner. I stare, I look long and hard and as he parts his hands just lightly, there’s a small bit of light, a small flame. “Oh wow.”
At least I manage to not swear, I think that’s a first in this situation though this whole situation is a first.
“I didn’t mean to lock you two out of my life over the past few days, I was just really, absolutely confused but this is pretty sweet, not that I’ll tell anyone, I swear.” Of course I won’t. That’d be something akin to treason and I don’t want that, not with these two. I want my friends in my life.