“Is it going to hurt?” He looks at me with those wide, somewhat frightened but so trusting eyes. I blink at him and I look down at the slight object I’m holding in my hand. How can he even imagine this might hurt? I suppose it could if I hadn’t made sure in all possible ways that it most certainly wouldn’t hurt in the slightest. Plus, that thing is so small I can’t imagine how it would hurt him at all. Though I know not everyone is comfortable with this kind of thing.
So instead of just plainly reminding him that it wouldn’t hurt, I find my sweetest of smiles and I pour a bit of sugar on the situation. “At most you might feel a tiny little bit of discomfort but it will be gone very, very quickly. I promise. Once I’m done with this I’ll kiss it better and make you forget all about it, how does that sound?”
He smiles, I swear his smile could brighten up any room. He smiles and he relaxes completely. Now I know it won’t hurt him. With how tense he had been just moments ago however I’m pretty sure it would have hurt and none of this would have worked.
“It’s going in now, okay?” He nods, his eyes again a little wide but there is no fear in them. I smile down at him and I press it against his skin. I feel a little bit of resistance but finally it gives and the rest of it slides smoothly in place. His eyes change but now he’s looking at me in with wonder, as if somehow he had still expected this to hurt to no end. I chuckle down at him and brush hair away from his face.
“See, told you it wouldn’t hurt.” He starts to nod and I feel something bump against my hip. I blink and frown. I look around to try to find the source but I can’t find any. I ignore it but it comes again and a third time.
When I open my eyes to the darkness of our shared bedroom, I stare down at the bed towards Lavi, his head bumping my hip again. He knows how to wake me up. The dream still remains with me for a long moment as I get out of bed. He usually doesn’t bother waking me up unless it’s a necessity.
Quentin still sleeps on, on the bed, next to my warm spot. I look at him a moment and feel my cheeks warm slightly. I guess my subconscious is trying to tell me something about our current situation.
It’s warm in the house and I suppose I don’t mind cooling down for a few moments as I follow Lavi towards the kitten’s room. The closer I step to the room the clearer I think I can make out the situation without really seeing it. The kittens have already begun to wander, though not enough to get out of that room yet but they do climb and now and again one will manage to make their way up to the near ceiling-high cat tower and then just meow as they can’t manage their way back down.
I don’t mind helping them back down, I figure it’s my duty as adoptive parent of sorts. I know before long they’ll manage but for now it’s fine.
As I step into the room, I realize that it’s not just one but three who somehow have found their way to the topmost flat surface of the cat tree. I laugh softly as I pluck one up, cuddle it to my chest for a moment and set it back down to the ground. I repeat the process for the other two. When all is quiet in the room once more, I step back out and I close the gate. Areli and Lavi can jump it easily, the kittens not yet. It’s a blessing.
I wander back to our bedroom where Quentin is somewhat rubbing his eyes. He tends to notice when I get out of bed though I always do my best to not wake him.
“I’m sorry, three of the kittens were at the top of the tower and couldn’t figure out how to get back down, Lavi came to get me. I don’t know why he didn’t get them down himself, I guess he just preferred my being awake.” I chuckle softly as I climb back into bed and settle next to him. He smiles at me, a sleepy but content sort of smile and I breathe a sigh, his smile really could light up a room. The thought makes me blush and I’m glad it’s still mostly dark enough in the room to hide at least that much from my skin.
“I had a really interesting dream, I think I’ll tell you about that in the morning. I think my mind is trying to tell me something though.” He cants his head at me and I laugh again, a soft sort of sound. I figure it’s unfair to tell him that I had a dream about something but not tell him about it yet. I scoot closer to him, pressing my lips to his ear and I feel him shiver minutely from my closeness and the touch.
I tell him about the dream, trying to recall every little detail my mind might have tried to forget in the time I spent with the kittens. His skin warms against mine and pleasure swells in me, knowing I can get this kind of reaction out of him. I wasn’t sure how he would take to the dream. Sure, we’ve done certain things together but nothing quite like my dream and I didn’t know where he would have preferred being as far as our positions were concerned.
He hugs me and I relax against him. I know we’re both too tired to really do much about the dream except appreciate it and let it fill our mind, maybe give us a few ideas for morning or for whenever we know we might not be disturbed. We don’t get much undisturbed time lately, not with the kittens growing up and learning to climb.
I don’t mind and I don’t think he does either. We still manage to make time and that is what’s most important to us both.
I nuzzle his shoulder and close my eyes with a sigh. We settle back down and I settle against him, just the way I usually like to sleep on the mattress on the water most of the time. I don’t know why I find so much comfort in being settled against him this way. I suppose it’s because it makes me feel safe. It reminds me that I’m not alone and that I have someone I can confide him, someone I can love and cherish. I do all of those things too I know he feels the same.
It isn’t long before sleep takes over and the dream slowly winds its way back into my mind. I can’t complain, it was a pleasant dream and a pleasant discovery, even if it only is happening in my head. In the fog of my dream, I feel Quentin’s arm tug me closer to his side and I tangle my legs utterly with his. We usually wake up on either side of the bed, even if we fall asleep tangled but it’s knowing that we sleep this close that comforts me.
The dream changes, the positions are inverted and I know this will be as interesting as the one I was having before I woke up. I’m all for different ways of life, I’m all for trying everything I can try to learn about the world in general. If I don’t try, I know I’ll never really know or understand how it all works out and knowing is important to me.
A year of writing, a lifetime of thinking 